Rules: The Men’s Room

Here are some guidelines for men who want to use bathroom in their office building that’s shared between several companies:

1. Do not initiate any conversations about business matters while in the bathroom. You never know who might be listening. And also, do you really want to be discussing clients, contracts and accounts while you’re touching your penis?
2. If you happen to be discussing business matters with a coworker while entering the bathroom, adopt a pensive and concerned appearance while doing what needs to be done. Feel free to resume the discussion when you and your interlocutor have both finished.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, answer the telephone in the bathroom. There is no situation when this is appropriate. I don’t care if your wife is having triplets, your grandmother is getting out of surgery and your team is winning the Super Bowl, all at once. Wait a minute and finish wiping your ass, then wash your hands, then return the call. Whoever it was will greatly appreciate it!
4. Actually, it’s best just to adhere to a strict regime of aloof silence while in the bathroom.
5. If the urinals are occupied and you need to use a stall to urinate, why not close the door? Is it important that people be able to see you?
6. Wipe the toilet seat.
7. Wash your hands.
8. Wash your hands! With soap!