Belichick: Genius

I am a big football fan. I regret to say that my beloved team, the Washington Redskins, rarely makes a playoff appearance, which means they play a maximum of 16 times a year. Of those, I’m rarely able to catch more than a few because I live halfway around the world, and the No Fun League makes it painfully difficult to see games for a reasonable price. Not being able to watch games regularly makes me appreciate every single one. I actually cherish every single minute of every single game that I get to see.

That is why I hate when I see NFL teams “take a knee” at the end of a half, to let the clock run down so they can preserve their lead by preventing the other team from playing. There is nothing on earth more sissy than “taking a knee.” I don’t care if you are a 275 pound, 6′6″ tall tight end… I don’t care if you can throw a spiral in Raljon, Maryland, start running and then catch it in Irving, Texas… if you don’t play every single second of that half until the end, you are a pathetic, loser sissy. You deserve to lose and, as a fan, I will not forgive you.

Moreover, NFL players are professionals. They make so much money that their salaries can actually be broken down into how much they earn per second on the clock. If I told my boss that I was going to stop working at 5:30 every day because I’d already accomplished plenty, and I felt ahead, how could he say anything else other than you’re fired? Well, I suppose he could just tell me that he’d stop paying me for the final hour of work, but how could I blame him?

Bill Belichick is a genius and my new hero. He is a god to me. I would personally contribute some of my own money to a “Draft Belichick To Save The Redskins” fund. I will nominate him for Coach of the Year for great football.