I meant to write some more of these, so here’s one that’s pertinent.
I met DA almost randomly while doing day game practice – I just approach any and every girl that passes a certain point to test out new routines and conquer my reluctance to talk to strangers. It was a very brief conversation but I got her facebook. She is 24 and very cute in that mousy Jewish way, but doesn’t have a great body. I’d say she’s a 6 or 7 depending on what she does with herself. She contacted me on a Friday night when I wasn’t doing anything because my LTR was with her family and another girl I’m seeing casually had spent the day in my apartment and already left. We chatted for a little bit and then she told me she wasn’t doing anything, so invited me out for a beer. I wavered (pubs aren’t really my thing, since I almost never drink alcohol) and she seemed to move on, but then a while later she said she’d even be willing to drive over to my house and pick me up if I’d go back to her house with her for a beer.
Ok, when a girl invites you back to her house on a first date, there’s a very high chance of sex. But when she drives to your house, picks you up and brings you to her house with the promise of alcohol – that is a clear booty call invitation, a rock solid guarantee of sex, no doubt. But there was no sex to be had. I noticed right away in the car that she seemed uninterested in me and had thrown on gross clothes, nothing like the pretty outfit she’d worn before. By the time we entered her apartment, I could barely count all the IODs, and everything she did was very unromantic: she clearly did not want sex.
We ended up hanging out in her place and chatting for about five hours, until 4 am. The talk was casual, friendly and free, and she weirdly brought up a lot of questions that Israeli girls always ask on the first date (How many brothers and sisters do you have?) but also asked me how many sexual partners I’d had, whether I’d ever had a homosexual experience, etc. The vibe I got from this girl at the end of the night was LJBF. But it didn’t bother me because I wasn’t all that interested in her in the first place, she clearly was not into me at all, and it had been a fun, low key night in any case. She drove me home, even though she’d originally said she wouldn’t.
A couple days later, I saw her online again, and started chatting about something or other. After a few minutes, she stopped the conversation and told me that here in Israel, if a guy is interested in a girl, he calls her the next day. WTF? I asked myself. I thought this was going to be a friends thing, but here she is turning it back into a dating thing?!? So I figured I could either say: (a) No, I’m not interested, so let’s just be friends, or (b) I am interested but didn’t think you were, so I’m sorry I didn’t call. In the latter case, I’d still have the chance to fuck her at a later date if the opportunity presented itself, so I went ahead and apologized. She accepted the “apology” and we made tentative plans to do coffee.
Last night we met for our “second date.” As a test, I let her pick the location. And of all the thousands of cafes in this general part of the country, which one do you think she chose? Only the one that’s about FIVE METERS FROM HER HOUSE.
Ok, I thought. There was some miscommunication or some misread signals the first time around, but if this girl who didn’t seem to be interested in me is again inviting me to her house in a romantic context, clearly she wants to get me in there so she can have sex with me. So I took the bus and met her at this cafe and we sat and talked for a while, but again I knew almost right away that it was not going to happen. She was dressed much better this time, in a very cute black and white skirt, but the conversation was not pleasant – she was not being pleasant – and she did all the little IODs that I could recognize, like turning away from me, crossing her legs away from me, not smiling, etc. After coffee, I was starving, so I said I was going to go to a burger place in the neighborhood (I assumed she’d go home). But she took it as an invitation and accompanied me. Two very greasy lamburgers and one very strained conversation later, we each paid for ourselves and left together. Unfortunately, her house was on the way to my bus stop, so there was no way to avoid walking her home. I did that, and prepared to kiss her at the door so I could settle once and for all that she was not into me (or that she was). But once again she surprised me by keeping a physical distance and not giving me the chance to make a move. It was one of the biggest IODs I’ve seen since I started recognizing them consciously.
I know there’s a lesson to be learned here, but it beats the hell out of me what that lesson is. I could resolve to start interpreting mixed signals as a clear No, but if I’d done that, I might still be a virgin. So I don’t know what to say about this strange girl except that I’m definitely not calling her again!
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It’s like those workplaces that interview jobseekers, whom they have no intention of hiring, because of some kind of regulation.
Perhaps her status among her female peers depends on being seen as a girl who “dates”.
I suspect that the semantic ambiguity of the word “date” and “dating” is a source of anxiety for the Aspergery betas among us. The literal definition of the word describes something that is, frankly, banal, but in practice it can mean so much more…
Perhaps her status among her female peers depends on being seen as a girl who “dates”.
Sure, but then why invite me to her house, and then again to the cafe in her neighborhood? Why bother dressing up for the second date?
Anyway, the situation got far more bizarre last night. She contacted me again to refer me to some pictures of her friend online, and to ask me if I thought her friend was cute. Then she told me that her friend wants to have casual sex and that she’d nominated me as a candidate.
In all the many years that I’ve been dealing with girls, I’ve never heard of one girl who says to another girl, “I want to have no-strings-attached sex; can you recommend a guy?” – unless she’s trying to make some other guy jealous. And if that’s the case, I want no part in it.
IOD?
Indicator Of Disinterest.
I’ve never been comfortable using “disinterest” in this context because it means “lack of bias,” but I think you’ll get the point.
I get the point.
Diving into Game, I get an idea of how intellectually incurious I really am. Five years ago I started getting a few emails about Game in my inbox, and I summarily deleted them. Five years later I have a casual interest in it that still almost amounts to incuriousity.
Ha. Well, I think there’s some real wisdom to be found in game, though I didn’t come to it directly from the PUA side. I found Roissy through Half Sigma through Mencius Moldbug. The whole idea really only became interesting to me after I’d independently made the leap of understanding that I would never get married and have children.
Ten years ago I used to get emails that stated that I could get degrees from “prestigious, non-accredited universities” based on my present knowledge and life experience. Further, the emails stated that there would be no books to buy and no exams to take.
Please tell me that you decided against having children for some reason other than the family laws of Israel.
Upthread I stated that I got the point when you said “lack of bias,” but I realize that I don’t get the point. I understand the IOD, but when you say LoB do you mean the girl is open to conversion to liking you?
Ten years ago I used to get emails that stated that I could get degrees from “prestigious, non-accredited universities” based on my present knowledge and life experience. Further, the emails stated that there would be no books to buy and no exams to take.
I’m not sure I follow…
Please tell me that you decided against having children for some reason other than the family laws of Israel.
I think I’ll write a separate essay about this.
Upthread I stated that I got the point when you said “lack of bias,” but I realize that I don’t get the point. I understand the IOD, but when you say LoB do you mean the girl is open to conversion to liking you?
No, I just mean that it’s not quite grammatical to call them IODs because “disinterested” means “not biased.”
I used Game as an example of me being five years behind the intellectual curve, and then I stupidly tried to use the previous emails I received as a way to extend the my point about Game in a humorous direction.
So the girl is actively biased against you as the pursuer. OK.
I am awaiting your essay on your belief that you will never marry.
I am awaiting your essay on your belief that you will never marry.
Not this week, but maybe next week.
Not this week, but maybe next week.
I’ll check back for it.
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