I met BK online. She was born in eastern Europe, but grew up entirely in Israel. She doesn’t like Israel very much and plans to live in New York after she’s completed her education. Her politics are right wing, but of the naive variety: once the missiles started falling in her neighborhood, it occurred to her that she ought to hate the enemy who was bombarding her. Consequently, I didn’t discuss with her my hatred of democracy and desire to restore absolute monarchy.
We chatted for a bit and it seemed unlikely we would meet in person, since she lives in a shitty peripheral town and wasn’t inclined to visit this part of the country. Then it turned out that she’d be spending three days in Ramat Gan, cat-sitting for a friend, so we made a date for one evening.
The date went well. She’s an 8 (great body, ok face) and not a bad conversationalist, though it helped a lot that I brought my dog. We went out for coffee, walked around and generally had a nice time. I waited with her for her bus and we hugged goodnight.
I called the next day to invite her out again, and we agreed to see a movie that night. I wanted her to come to my apartment and watch a movie here, but she naturally preferred a theater. We settled on a theater. She showed up in dumpy, unattractive clothes, looking far worse than she had the previous night. That’s always a bad sign. I was unimpressed, but after the movie we agreed to come back to my apartment and sit on my balcony for a bit.
On the balcony, we made out for a while and she very firmly resisted my attempts to take it further. I was about to tell her goodnight since it seemed she didn’t want to do anything, when she said it was getting really late and she wondered if she could sleep in my bed – but without doing anything.
I should have recognized this right away as a test, but instead I misunderstood it as a different test. The test I thought it was: in agreeing not to do anything, I thought I was showing that I could be a gentleman and that I’d be rewarded for my good behavior. The test it really was: in agreeing to let a girl sleep in my bed, I showed myself to be a spineless beta who provides companionship without any reward.
After making a few passes at her during the night, she sternly told me the following morning that she was disappointed with me for not accepting “no” and then she went on her way. I called in sick to work, but I didn’t mope that day. Instead, I slept for a few hours and then went to the supermarket, where I asked two girls for their numbers (both shot me down).
Lessons:
- Girls from eastern Europe are weird and I don’t understand enough of the nuances to communicate with them so well in terms of gesture and intonation. She’s the first girl I’ve ever dated who’s not from North America, western Europe or the middle east, so it was an interesting learning experience.
- Maybe my American attitudes and approach put her off. More likely, she’s used to dealing with guys who have better game. I shouldn’t have agreed to meet her anywhere else but in my own apartment, and then I should have sent her away when all she wanted to do was kiss.
- Never let a girl sleep in your bed unless it’s after sex.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok, not bad analysis.
Dumpy unattractive clothes.. if you see it going to shit right there, one option is to “pre-emptively ” strike. ” Hey, what’s up with the crappy clothes! That’s damn disrespectful.. don’t bother calling me unless your attitude changes.” Then leave.
Dog is a nice prop.
@Oilsands thanks. I use the dog as a prop for three reasons. First, a girl who doesn’t like dogs, or won’t even pretend to like them, is not worth my time, no matter how hot she is. Second, it’s most difficult for me to make conversation with normal girls, since I have to keep reminding myself on dates never to be a proud reactionary but always apolitical. Having the dog there means I can always have something to talk about. Third, I have him trained pretty well, so I think some girls like watching me give him commands.
I actually did make a comment about her clothes when I saw her that night: I asked if she’d just woken up or something. She said yes, she’d taken and nap and overslept, so didn’t have a chance to get ready. I immediately knew she was bullshitting me, since when has a girl ever found it difficult to make a guy wait while she gets ready? I could definitely see that preemptive strike idea working in this situation, though I’m not quite sure what “working” would be: either saving me the trouble of sleeping with this girl without sex, and then missing work the next day, or getting her to go out with me a different night looking much prettier.
ps. I moved your other comment to AB